Celebration, Connection, Communication, and Closeness

Four C’s for a Happy Holiday Season

Celebration is often overlooked when it’s a small win, something personal, or we’re busy and we hop onto the next thing. Sometimes we have a connection with another person who is great about celebrating us, but don’t like to celebrate themselves. Sometimes we are that person. Celebrating with friends and family is usually a good time, so why is it that we sometimes avoid it?

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This all came to me as I noticed how much more connected I feel to those around me when we celebrated together. I’m thinking of times that inspire us to take pictures: Christmas, Thanksgiving, family gatherings, the Super Bowl or other sporting events, graduations, weddings, and the occasional night out on the town. When we share these experiences with other people, we automatically feel closer to them and like we have a stronger connection. Closeness comes from sharing time and space, similar interests, and communication.

Communication is the best way to keep our relationships healthy and strong. Many of us did not grow up learning how best to communicate our feelings, or other important thoughts because our ancestors did not have these tools. They got by with grunts and body language, and it worked. Crazy thing about today is, it still kind-of works – to show us what people are not actually saying with their words, but with their bodies.

We cannot deny the wisdom of the body. When your tummy rumbles – what does that mean? When your heart is racing – what does that tell you? If your mouth suddenly gets dry – do you know why? These are all pieces of information that we can notice and start to understand.

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When we’re around certain people, or in a new situation, or even with our pets or families, we can start to tune into the subtle hints our body is giving us and honor them. We can work on identifying them for ourselves and then begin to share our needs and desires with others. Expressing our needs through the process outlined in a book I’ve previously referenced: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B Rosenberg, Ph.D.is a great way to create understanding and closeness.

Here I’ll share the steps to NVC (Nonviolent Communication):

“When a, I feel b, because I am needing c. Therefore, I now would like d.”

• a= observation

• b= emotion

• c= need

• d= request

Here’s an example: “When I come home and dinner is not ready, I feel irritated, because I am needing fuel. Therefore, I now would like to know in advance so I can eat a snack.”

OR: “When the house is left a mess, I feel embarrassed, because I am needing a safe clean space to work. Therefore, I now would like your help cleaning up.”

This way we focus on what we want to do rather than what went wrong. The person who receives the request can now understand the following:

• What is this person feeling?

• What are they needing?

Then the receiver of the request can decide whether or not they can fulfill the request. They can also communicate their side of the story:

• How am I feeling in response to this person, and what needs of mine are behind my feelings?

• What action or decision would I request this person to take in the belief that it would enable them to live more happily?

Ideally, this allows us to have deeper connections with those we love, by understanding and communicating our needs and generating more feelings of closeness. Now that’s something to celebrate!

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Here’s another fun way to use NVC – to say thank you in such a way as to delight the receiver:

• This is what you did

• This is what I feel

• This is the need of mine that was met

Example: “Thank you for cleaning my car. I feel so valued and satisfied! You met the need I have of acts of service and cleanliness!”

OR: “I really appreciate you helping me with this project. I feel confident and appreciated. The need I have of collaboration was met with your assistance.”

As the holiday season nears, I invite you to try these conversation tips and see if they ease tension in your relationships! We often grow and change and evolve into better versions of ourselves without stopping to celebrate the progress and successes that we achieve. I encourage you to slow down and notice as your conversations improve by using these mindful tips. And then celebrate! Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

If you’re looking for a coach to work through blocks you may have in your communication, book a free 30-minute discovery session to see if we’re a good fit. I also offer in-person and online meditation and Ayurveda classes to create a foundation that will support your growth and happiness. Contact me to book!